He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
