I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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