Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
