I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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