Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
