They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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