Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
