I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
