For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
