eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That accounts for only three of the penises
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
