i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
