Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
