So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
