This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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