We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
