Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
