woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
