In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
