did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I could fuck to npr.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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