all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
