The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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