can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
