totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize