don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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