U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
