I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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