i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize