last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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