I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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