he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
