I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
