I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
