You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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