Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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