I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
