I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
