I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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