Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
