More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
