My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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