I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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