Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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