I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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