I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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