i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
