My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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