you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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