I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
