so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
