I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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