I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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