Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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