so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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