I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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