some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
