i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
soo... how was my night?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
