Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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