the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
