one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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