Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
