I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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