Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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