i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
