You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize
