my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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