The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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