I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
