we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
