margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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