I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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