Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
